


Perception

by cuddlyharkness



Category: Final Fantasy VII
Genre: Bittersweet Ending, Death, Gen, Old Age, Old Friends, Sad, lifestream ghosts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-21
Updated: 2015-06-21
Packaged: 2018-04-05 12:20:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4179630
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cuddlyharkness/pseuds/cuddlyharkness
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A letter from a man who had grown old in the world, expressing his contentment on his last day.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Perception

When it comes to life, its all a matter of perception. I learned that the hard way a long time ago. When someone dies, its all a matter of how you decide to see it that really impacts your life. If you look at the death of someone and think to yourself that it was unfair the world took them from you, then your perception makes you hate the world. If you accept it and tell yourself that they're in a much nicer place, then your perception makes you view the world as merciful to the ones you love. Its all about perception.

After so long of cursing the world and all who call it home, I finally changed my view of life. When Zack left me, I hated everything and everyone who ever had anything to do with Shin-Ra. I hated anyone who tried to tell me that it was okay, that he was okay and in the safety of the Lifestream, probably looking down at me and watching over me. I kept that viewpoint for years. 

When I recovered from my identity crisis, I cursed myself for something I couldn't help. I thought I was Zack because of the trauma I had gone through, not because I wanted to. But my natural perception of the world at the time was to blame for my hatred. When I finally accepted that maybe, by some far stretch, Zack was looking out for me from the Lifestream, I began to wonder whether or not I could be forgiven for what happened. And he came to me, a ghost of the past bound to the Planet, and told me I was an idiot. Yes, his words exactly. "You're a fucking moron, Cloud. I never had anything to forgive you for. You have to forgive yourself, because no one else has anything against you." 

That night, something about my perception changed. I stopped making everything my fault, though I still have trouble with it today. I stopped feeling alone. Zack taught me to forgive myself for things I wasn't to blame for, and that's something I'll always thank him for. Of course, for his words of wisdom, he told me that once I joined the Lifestream in the future, he expected me to return the favor with a date...Can't say I'd mind it, he's still the love of my life. The first person I ever felt I could love...

My perception was still utterly fucked after Aerith's death as well. I hated Sephiroth, hated the whole damn Planet. She came to me too, with Zack. Her words weren't as harsh. "Cloud, it's never been your fault. You might hate that we were taken from you, might hate who took us from you, but never hate yourself. Never. It's not worth it in the end, you'll just become bitter and cold. Things will be okay, even when you think they won't." She expected nothing in return, though she did want me to shape up and "act like the hero I had become."

One might think I was simply hallucinating that night. Whether they chose to believe I saw them in truth or not isn't really my problem, what matters is that I know I did. And they saved me when I was at my darkest. They gave me the extra shove I needed to get back on the beaten path and carry out my life for however long I had left. 

I still haven't forgotten them after all these years. I still visit their resting places within the church, and I still talk to them even if I can't hear them respond anymore. They were given their rest long ago, when I was still young and spry. I like to believe that they're still there, in the Lifestream, waiting and watching for the day their Cloud comes home. You know, Zack told me that in the Lifestream, you revert to when you were the happiest. I like to believe that I'll be as youthful as the day I finally let go of them, the day I finally let them rest in peace. 

The day I see them again is approaching fast. I've gotten fragile in my old age, watched my friends grow older and some fade away like Zack and Aerith. Cid should be hanging out up there, and Vincent wouldn't be far behind...maybe even Nanaki is hanging out there, getting a bunch of tummy rubs from Zack because Gaia knows the two of them love tummy rubs. 

I've grown weaker, my hair isn't as golden and bright as it once was, but Tifa tells me all the time my eyes haven't aged a day. She says its because I've got a childish spirit, but I know its because of the Mako. I told her that when I finally do kick the bucket, I want her to bury me in the church, right beside the two I spent so many years missing dearly. I never settled down, never had any kids of my own, and Fenrir still sits in the garage collecting dust. When you age, you have to give up a lot of things you loved so dearly once upon a time. Denzel gets Fenrir when I die, I was very firm on that. Marlene takes the brooch I always wore, and the earrings...

I already made amends for everything in my life. All my loose ends are tied up, all the financial things dealt with. I have no regrets. Perhaps, if I were to die tonight, I'd be happy. I've started seeing that old wolf again, you know. The one that's always represented Zack to me. It's been sitting quietly at the end of my bed when I lay down at night, waiting and watching out for me. 

Maybe he'll be my guide to the Lifestream. Maybe I'll get to hold his hand again soon, tell him I love him and be able to wrap my arms around him...

In case tonight is my last night here on this Earth, I would like to make it known that my life has been nothing short of wonderful. I wouldn't change a thing, and I wish those who still walk this Earth the best in living out their time.

-C. Strife

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_Somewhere in the bustling of a Midgar night, an old man lays down his head in the same place he's lived for many years. The Seventh Heaven bar shuts off its light, closes its doors, and cleans up the nights earnings. The bed creaks underneath the old man's weight; he is but a fragile man with a heart as youthful as his eyes. Blond locks, dull with age and frazzled from writing his final letters and struggling to get it right, rest against patchwork sheets as his eyes droop._

_In the darkness of the room, a large wolf sits idly on the foot of the bed. Bright blue eyes watching the man take shallow breaths. It lets out a soft whimper, speaking for the first time since its spirit started to wander the same steps the old man had taken._

_In the floors below, an old woman laughs at stories from long long ago with two twenty-something's as her audience, staring at old pictures from the times that were before old age had set in and made bones stiff and brittle. Her hair is gray, stripes of youthful brown touching from her roots to her tips as she sits upon an old wooden chair._

_In the desert, the ground glows with faint green halos. Friends long gone step out of the glowing light and converge upon the bustling town. No one can see them, nor hear them, but they are there. They wait idly outside Seventh Heaven, invisible to those who have no business knowing. A wraith of a girl steps to the front of the crowd of dead, her palms clasped in a silent prayer for the Planet to welcome its newest member._

_The old man senses them there. He knows these are his final moments. His lips, dry and cracked, break into the gentle smile of a man who knows he is blessed. His eyes fall closed. And he is still._

_The wolf lets out a soft howl, the sound reaching the floors below to the woman and the youths. She closes her eyes, and she too clasps her hands in prayer. The youths know. They say nothing, nothing until the sorrowful howl ceases, and the bar is silent._

_The old man fades. A soft flash of green light, the same light that enveloped the crowd of dead outside the walls of the quiet bar. His physical form remains, tired and gray on the sheets. But from that body, a soul as youthful a newly recruited cadet stands. The wolf is no longer a wolf, but a grown man with eyes as bright as the sky and a grin as wide as the desert. Gloved hands interlock, and they make the final steps of their final departure together._

_Midgar knows nothing of the death. Things go on as if nothing happened. The body is buried in the church flowerbed beside the others, never marked, never disturbed. But above; the Lifestream's realm is a blur with cries of rejoicing. A young man, hair as bright as the Sun, sits with two people in a crowd of friends. One is a man in SOLDIER uniform, his hair sleek and black. One is a girl in a pale pink dress, her eyes the color of the Lifestream's energy. And they are happy._

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so sorry. This was awful. My heart hurts.


End file.
